


Stumbling

by schemingreader



Category: Harry Potter - Rowling
Genre: Angry Sex, Blow Job, Closeted Character, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-07
Updated: 2010-02-07
Packaged: 2017-10-07 02:54:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schemingreader/pseuds/schemingreader
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Dumbledore's funeral, Lupin and Tonks have to sort out how their relationship fits into their work for the Order.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Stumbling

"Nymphadora, really," Andromeda Tonks admonished. "How could you be so careless?"

Tonks exploded in a rage. "Careless! I tell you I've met the love of my life and you ask me how I could be so careless?"

"That's more like the girl I know," her father said approvingly. "Are you sure about this, Andie? It's not as though falling in love is an act of clumsiness."

"Oh, she hasn't fallen in love," Tonks' mother said disdainfully, hefting her wand purposefully. "I told you: she's under Imperius. _Finite Incantatem_."

The world wound down like a music box; Remus' voice called to her as though from underwater, "Tonks? Tonks? Are you all--" and everything went gray.

* * *

 

When Tonks came to, she was lying on the living room floor, and her parents and her boyfriend were kneeling over her. Her dad helped her to her feet and then quickly sat her in a chair. She was nauseated, dizzy, and uncomfortable in a way she hadn't been for ages. She just didn't know what to do.

Didn't know what to do. Because someone had been telling her what to do. She held her head.

"My head is a mess," she said.

Remus said in a quiet voice, "Why don't I get you a cup of tea, then."

He slipped from the room.

"How did you know, Mum? How did you know?" Tonks' voice sounded whiny, even to her own ears.

"You like girls, Dora.," Andromeda said acidly. "What are the chances that you would go for a depressed, middle-aged male werewolf when everyone you've ever dated before has been a tough little witch with an earring somewhere other than her ear?"

"Mum!"

"She's right, you know, Dora," her father said quietly. "We knew those girls weren't your roommates."

"I--I could have--well, he is an awfully nice bloke!"

"Dora. You put the entire Order in danger. It was one of my sisters, I'm sure of it."

"You think Auntie Bella _Imperio_ed me in the middle of the Department of Mysteries? It just seems so…"

"Or it could have been Narcissa," Andromeda said.

"What? Why would Aunt Narcissa--"

"Lots of reasons," Andromeda said calmly. "For one, she and I don't get on very well."

"You think your sister put me under an Unforgivable because you don't get on?"

"Well, she would hardly have done it if we were on good terms now, would she?"

"I don't know, Mum. I suppose I did see her during the year in Diagon Alley. Also -- I was at Hogwarts and her son was in sixth year. He might have known how to do it, and he was trying to kill Dumbledore." Tonks sat and reflected, holding her head in her hands. "I've made a fool of myself all year. I've acted a right prat. I hope Remus can forgive me."

"I hope you haven't done anything horribly damaging to the cause!" her father retorted.

"How could I--what could I possibly have done that would--" But she knew. She had been at Hogwarts to protect Harry and the other students, and all she could think about was the dangers Remus faced. She had thought of herself as bravely sticking up for him by going to Dumbledore. What a fool she had been.

Had Dumbledore known? How could he have let her go on?

"I suppose we'll find out, won't we?" her mother said briskly.

The tea kettle whistled. Tonks got up, a bit shakily, and followed her mum into the kitchen.

There was a pot with tea leaves measured out, and a note. Remus was gone.

Tonks unfolded the note.

> My dear Tonks,
> 
> I've gone to meet with a contact. Please take your time recovering. You are not obligated to hold to our engagement. If you don't want to see me for some time, I will understand.
> 
> Your friend always,
> 
> Remus Lupin

 

Tonks' nose prickled and her eyes filled with tears, but she couldn't say why. Was it sorrow for her loss, or relief? Was it pity for Remus, who must feel so lonely and wounded? She'd made him so many promises; he'd had so many losses before, and it was hard for him to trust. She sniffled.

"He'll be fine, Dora," her father said gently. "He's quite right. You need some time to recover. There's a reason these curses are Unforgivable."

"Oh, Dad," she sobbed. "I don't feel well."

"Sit down," her mother said impatiently. She began bustling around the kitchen--making the tea, clattering dishes. "You'll probably need to owl the office and tell Shacklebolt what's happened."

"Yeah," she sniffed. "If only I understood what _has_ happened."

Her father handed her a tissue and she blew her nose.

"Drink," her mother said, plunking a cup of tea in front of her. It was very sweet. She looked up. "You've had a shock, drink it."

Grimacing, she did.

Shacklebolt showed up at her mum's house within an hour of receiving her owl. He sat down next to her; one of his warm dry hands enveloped one of hers.

"If the Ministry finds out, I'll lose my job," Tonks whispered.

"Since when do we worry about the Ministry?" Shacklebolt replied. "The real question is, what will Molly and Arthur Weasley do when they find out that all of our identifying questions don't work?" His ironic smile was oddly reassuring.

"It's true, I was able to answer all of those questions under _Imperius_. I had no idea I was being controlled."

"You were extraordinarily graceful, though, Tonks. That part was rather strange."

"Thanks loads, Kingsley."

"We really should have been more suspicious, shouldn't we? You were so subdued and mature."

"I thought I was really growing up. You know, being concerned about someone else, that sort of thing." Her face burned.

"Lost some of your powers, too."

"Nah, I just didn't feel like--huh. Why did I never feel like--" she casually ran through a series of facial features and hair colors, making herself resemble Kingsley, one of the Weasleys, Harry Potter. "It's so easy right now."

"Because whoever it was--one of her Black aunts, I think, Mr. Shacklebolt--can't control metamorphmagus transformations. She got the hang of the hair after a bit."

"Please, call me Kingsley, Mrs. Tonks."

"Andromeda," she shook his hand.

"I was rather surprised when you took up with Remus, Tonks," Shacklebolt said.

"Yes, we'd always thought she was a lesbian," Andromeda announced.

"Mum! Kingsley is my _supervisor_! At _work_, Mum!"

"Yes, but I'm not blind." Kingsley smiled at her. "I always rather thought your sexual orientation was…"

"Right." She shook her head. "I'm clearly pants at self-concealment, and I need a new job."

"Tonks, I'm the only black Auror in the department. What kind of person would I be if I outed you?"

"Do you think anyone else guessed?"

"I don't think so. They're all too afraid of me to ever say anything, though."

She snickered. "They are, aren't they? You're scary." She nudged him. He grinned.

"Christ, Tonks, how could I have been so stupid? How did I get along without the real you, all this time?"

She laughed. "Always thought you found me a right pain in the arse."

"I like you that way."

"I can't get over that someone would use an Unforgivable just to mess with my love life. There has to have been more to this."

"Of course there is! You're an Auror, remember, and a member of the Order of the Phoenix."

"Yeah, sometimes I forget that. Me mum over there thinks it could be because of the feud between her and my aunts," she added in a whisper.

"But isn't the feud about bloodlines and ideology?"

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Tonks' face relaxed into a smile. "I thought it was supposed to feel good to be under _Imperius_, but this is the first time I've felt normal in ages."

"It only feels good if you give in."

* * *

 

Walking down the High Street in Spinner's End, Remus was exhausted, but determined. He supposed that was the normal state of affairs with him, most of the time. He always felt grim, even in the small sunlit interstices of the days with the Pack in which he spent time with Tonks.

Now he knew why. Of course he didn't love that Tonks; she wasn't the Tonks with whom he had formed a fast friendship before Sirius' death. She had been a stranger. All along he had struggled with the feeling that this was all wrong--and it was!

So why didn't he feel better? He had too much empathy for the trapped young woman. Stuck with him! Bad enough that he was stuck with himself. It didn't bear thinking about: how she must have suffered.

He was worried about what it meant for him. Was he such a danger to Voldemort's plans that he needed to be distracted? Or was it Tonks this was meant to endanger? He shivered. It wouldn't be the first time that someone had thought it was a good idea to use Remus' lycanthropy against one of his friends.

Not that Snape had ever been his friend, exactly.

He knocked on the door.

"Severus?"

"Lupin." Snape peered out of the partially opened door.

"May I come in, please?"

Muttering something that sounded suspiciously like a Muggle oath, Snape opened the door. His wand was drawn. "What are you doing here?" he hissed.

"I am hoping you will answer some questions for me."

"You middle-class lycanthropic _prat_, why can't you come out and just say what you want? Do you want revenge?"

"Severus. Be quiet. I don't have a lot of patience today."

Snape held his tongue, fuming. Remus walked into the house, Snape backing up before him.

"You killed Dumbledore, but he still left me word that I should contact you. I wasn't your informant before. I don't understand how you can possibly--"

Snape held up a hand and cast a spell. "You've already cast _muffliato_. Good, but we need even more concealment."

Remus gave him a straight look. "I don't know who you have in the house with you. Draco Malfoy, I assume."

"Wormtail." Snape sucked in a breath, as he saw Remus react to the name. "Good Christ, Lupin!"

"What?"

Snape shuddered. The wolf must have shown in his face, Remus thought.

"There's a reason that I try to keep my anger in check, Severus."

"You looked like--"

"Like the monster inside. I know." He nodded wearily. "I'm just tired, Severus. I need information. I'm not trying to frighten you, because that will only make things worse. I know that whatever you tell me I'll have to verify because I can't trust you." He leaned back against the wall.

"You really hate him," Snape muttered.

"Peter? Yes, I really hate him. It's not a pleasant feeling."

"And me?"

"I can't--I don't know what to think about what you did. It looks like--but I also believed that Sirius was guilty. I have to reserve judgment."

"No! I'm guilty. I'm a murderer. Believe it! Believe it, even if it makes you want to kill me." Snape's eyes were just a little wild for all that his voice was dry. He had raised his wand.

"Don't start with me, Severus. I'm not joking." He pushed the other man against the wall, leaning into him. Snape panted and averted his face a bit from the intensity of Remus' gaze. For all that Remus had said he didn't want to frighten him, it was useful that he was frightened. "I need to know whether you are going to continue your activities for the Order. I need to know who the bloody hell put my friend under _Imperius_. I need to know why Dumbledore trusts--trusted--_you_\--and why everyone thinks you're such a brilliant Occlumens when you wear your heart on your sleeve this way--"

"What do you mean?"

Remus gestured at Snape's obvious erection, which had created quite a tent in his trousers. Snape's eyes bulged in their sockets and his face reddened. Remus shook his head.

"Don't even bother with the histrionics, Severus. I'm not in the mood. I want to go somewhere we can be unobserved. Now."

Snape's lips were thin. "Then not this house," he said. "I am under constant scrutiny here. Draco Malfoy hasn't decided what he is going to do and could betray me. Your _friend_\--" Snape's eyebrows rose at the sound of the involuntary growl Remus made in his throat, "Pettigrew transforms into a rat and sneaks around. "

"Then let's go for a little walk, Snape."

Remus grabbed him by the elbow and turned him. Snape's forehead was sweaty. His knuckles were white where he was clutching his wand. For all that, Remus could see that he was still hard. They walked from Severus' house at the end of town to the edge of the moors. The wind howled around them like the pack, and there was no one in sight for miles.

"Fear turns you on, does it," Remus said in a pleasant, conversational tone. "That explains a good deal about your role in the war."

Snape stumbled. Remus froze, wand out. "What the hell was that, Severus," he said in a low voice. "You don't stumble."

"Fuck you, Lupin," Snape muttered.

"Not this time," Remus said. "Perhaps on another visit." He bared his teeth in a humorless smile. "Now that we're out in the middle of nowhere--and don't think I won't kill you if we're ambushed, you shady bastard," he smiled wider, "I want to know whatever you can tell me about Dumbledore's death, and who performed an _Imperius_ on Nymphadora Tonks." He gripped Snape's elbow and the other man caught his breath. "Now, Severus."

"Think it through about Dumbledore, Lupin," Snape whispered.

"I think if you were under an Unbreakable Vow to kill him, that he would tell you to do it," Remus said. "That doesn't mean anything at all about your loyalty. You could have manipulated him into telling you to kill him, or he might have manipulated you. You could be loyal to the Order, you could be loyal to Voldemort, or you could be completely self-serving. Though a self-serving man would not have done what you did, so perhaps we can rule that out."

"Very good," Snape said in his sarcastic way.

"That leaves me with no information, Severus," Remus said.

"I'm meeting with you and you aren't dead," Snape offered. Remus put his hands around Snape's throat so quickly that Snape couldn't prevent him. Snape shuddered in his loose grasp.

"Don't forget that I'm a werewolf. I'm faster than you are. I understand that no matter what your motivations, you can't tell me what happened with Dumbledore. So we'll leave that. Who put Tonks under Imperius?" He tightened his hands almost imperceptibly. He wasn't choking Snape, but he knew that the man was frightened. The pulse under his thumbs was rapid, and he could see that Snape was sweating heavily.

"I did."

"Why?"

"To--to protect you."

"That must be a lie."

"Believe what you want. Kill me if you want." Snape tipped his head back--his eyes blazed challenge.

"Don't do that, you silly arse. Don't play games with the wolf. Don't be such a drama queen all the damn time." Remus said impatiently. "Why would performing an Unforgivable on Tonks protect me? Why would you want to protect me?"

"I have my own reasons to want to protect you. If you got married, the other Order members wouldn't send you back to the werewolf pack."

"I'm gay, Severus. You know that."

"Yes, but I also know that you are easily led by your friends. I knew she could persuade you."

"You bastard. She's a sweet girl."

"I'm not the one who was going to use her as a beard."

"You wanted to damage the Order's work."

"That's what I told the Dark Lord. But it isn't true. You living with those beasts won't make any difference one way or the other; it's all risk for you, no benefit to anyone. Why should you--"

"Why did you tell the Hogwarts students I was a werewolf, after keeping it a secret for a dozen years?"

"Thirteen years."

"Was that also to _protect_ me?"

"The Defence position is cursed. And I was angry."

That made sense. His pulse had slowed; he was telling the truth. Remus removed his hands. "Get down on your knees," Remus said evenly.

"Are you going to--"

"Shut up. Open my trousers."

They were on the side of a grassy hill, with no one around for miles, but they were also Disillusioned, the sound of their voices magically dampened for passersby. Nevertheless Snape made no sound. He knelt, looking up with a blank expression. Then he leaned forward and mouthed Remus' cock through his trousers, breathing on the head.

"None of that." Remus said. "None of your technique." Snape's long fingers came up to his flies, and undid them. "Take me out." Remus ordered. He was very hard. "I'd like to hurt you, Severus. I'd like to hurt you, but then I wouldn't be myself anymore."

Snape sighed and took Remus' cock into his mouth. He licked the vein under the head repeatedly. He sucked and bobbed his head. He was very good; he knew every trick.

Remus grabbed his hair and began to fuck in and out of the hot wet mouth. Snape grunted. Remus took the other man by the back of his head and crammed his prick down his throat. Two deep thrusts, and Remus was coming, Snape groaning and swallowing around the head of his cock.

Remus stepped back, the cool air shocking on his still-hard cock. He tucked himself in. Snape was still kneeling, his head bowed; his trousers were stained with come.

"You sick bastard," Remus said. Snape was shaking. "Why does everything have to be like this, so twisted? I thought--I don't know, I thought things were square between us. I thought maybe someday, we could be friends." Snape drew a shuddering breath. "Oh, come on, get up."

He reached out and hauled the other man to his feet. "Do you have anything to report?"

"Yes. The Dark Lord knows that you are a spy. He knows that Potter knows about the horcruxes. He has the same opinion of my loyalty that you do."

Horcruxes--Remus filed this away in his mind for later. "Are you crying?"

Only Snape could look sarcastic while weeping. Without thinking, Remus reached up and pushed the hair out of Snape's eyes, which were wide and watching him.

"Is that the whole report?" Remus said softly.

"You've already learned what you wanted to know."

"Don't curse her again, or I'll kill you."

Snape nodded. "Come back before the full moon; I'm making your potion."

Remus stepped back to look at him. "All right," he said. Snape's face was schooled and blank again. Remus didn't look directly into his eyes. "Goodbye, Severus," he said, and then he Apparated away.

* * *

 

There was a knock at the door of Tonks' London flat. "Who is it?" she warbled, holding her wand in a defensive position.

"It's Remus."

She put her hand on the knob. "How's the haberdashery treating you?"

"It's a brilliant job, but I hate wearing a tie."

She let him in. He looked at her a minute in the hallway, and then they embraced.

"I'm so sorry, Tonks," he said in a low voice.

"Not your fault," she answered lightly.

"I took advantage of you."

"Hardly," Tonks replied. Her voice was as dry as his. "You're very gallant. I made you sleep with me. It's nothing I would have done without the spell. I'm sorry."

"I let you."

"Oh, stop it, Remus. I hope it wasn't too horrible for you."

He shook his head impatiently. "I do love you, you know."

"I know. I love you, too. Oh, I have your mum's ring."

She began to work it from her finger. A tiny owl appeared in the window. "Ah, it's from Ginny!" She was already turning to call the owl as she put the ring into Remus' hand.

She unwound the scrolled parchment with an expectant, open smile, and immediately laughed as she read the first words. Remus stood watching her young face glowing with mischief and love.

It was no wonder that he loved her. Thank God he didn't have to pretend to be her lover anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Beta-reading by [](http://sscrewdriver.livejournal.com/profile)[**sscrewdriver**](http://sscrewdriver.livejournal.com/) and [](http://busaikko.livejournal.com/profile)[**busaikko**](http://busaikko.livejournal.com/). (They helped me a great deal, but any mistakes are mine.) A fic for the thank-you/birthday community [](http://community.livejournal.com/pies_and_sherry/profile)[**pies_and_sherry**](http://community.livejournal.com/pies_and_sherry/) for [](http://scribbulus-ink.livejournal.com/profile)[**scribbulus_ink**](http://scribbulus-ink.livejournal.com/) based on a bunny that [](http://users.livejournal.com/_lore/profile)[**_lore**](http://users.livejournal.com/_lore/) suggested in Snupin Ship Chat.


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